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Post by Astral Echo on Nov 3, 2006 18:11:34 GMT -5
Thankyou for your comments Brent and I'm glad you have no complaints, means we are doing something right already. Hope you keep on commenting as then we can only get better.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2006 0:10:08 GMT -5
Well, Drama asked me to read Costume Calmity and when I warned her that I would probably be brutally honest because that's me, she said that's what you guys would want. Don't say you haven't been warned!
So I read it and truly enjoyed it. I didn't love it the way I loved Charmed by Four, but it was still very good. Of course, because I know what's coming up I probably enjoyed a lot of stuff more than others would, since I recognized some of the portents of things to come, some that I thought you did as too much of a giveaway, especially pointing out to the "viewers" what those things were, something a script and a good author would never do. Along the same lines, using Darryl to talk about Paige's parents' death didn't seem like the right way to bring up something so important in Paige's life, and having lost Patty, I think Prue would've been more sympathetic.
I loved the use of Witchy Woman at the beginning and San Francisco set up for Halloween. You guys have done a great job coming up with the proper music. I also liked Darryl mentioning having to help Sheila with the kids' trick-or-treating!
For whatever reason, after that first scene between Demetrius and the Oracle, I thought Demetrius would do something about the curtain being thin between the living and the dead and was very disappointed when he didn't. Even tho he came back, he didn't seem scarey or threatening as I was hoping he'd be; much too pedestrian for something as important as Halloween--if anything, Paige turning into Lily was scarier! What happened to the Source? If the curtain is truly that thin, I would think HE'd be the one doing something against the sisters, not just some run-of-the-mill demon! Hopefully I'll be proven wrong in future episodes and he'll be shown as more dangerous.
I loved the idea of Paige being a fan of the Munsters (me, too!) and how she changes into Lily while losing her own powers. I like how Phoebe is taking care of her--this is the caring Phoebs that we saw in the earlier seasons and who we only saw glimpses of in the later seasons. Especially because just like in the series, Piper is beginning to get caught up in her own family (being pregnant), it's nice having Prue around so that you have conflict between the oldest and the youngest sister with one of the middle sisters intervening and actually doing a better job that Piper did, because, as you pointed out, Phoebe's been on the receving end. I LOVED Prue checking up on Paige, SO typical Prue and something neither sister did on the show, although as I pointed out before, I wish this wasn't how Prue found out about Paige's step-parents' death, even if that's something the viewers already know about.
I wish you could've found a way to bring Cole in, even if he and Prue don't get along. Halloween is meant for Cole and Cole is meant for Halloween! I would've liked to have seen "Lily" wanting to bite Cole in the neck and Phoebe's reaction!
I'm glad you've brought in a guy to interest Prue; maybe he'll be able to do what Jack couldn't do; help Prue get over Andy. Speaking of, I LOVE the use of the Truth Spell to remind Prue about her own personal gain experiences and the way Prue tried to rationalize her behavior; cracked me up! SOOOO typical Prue!
Speaking of, although I enjoy the reminders of previous episodes (WOW! CONTINUITY! What a concept!), I didn't like Phoebe telling Paige all about Piper and Leo. All Charmed fans watching this knows all about this and don't need the reminder and would find that scene very dull (I skimmed past it). You could start Phoebe telling it then do a TIME LAPSE to when they actually speak. This is especially true in a script; you never have one person talk for more than 20 seconds and that had to have been at least a minute. If you'd had Paige interrupt with questions, or as I suggested before, doing a time lapse, it would be much better. It would also have been better if something within the whole speech had something to do with this episode, when it truly didn't.
Along those lines, I personally think this would be done better if rather than writing a script each week, you just wrote a new story each week. There's too many extra story-like comments that shouldn't be part of scripts--it would drive the actors using the scripts nuts!--especially the way you don't use a character's proper name until you want to--like in this one, the actor playing A Man, "Marc Anthony", Matthew, Matt would would go nuts looking for his lines! When showing lines, you use just a single name throughout for that character. That's proper script-writing. DItto for when you mention that person in the directions. Shannen Doherty, for example, is simply looking through the script for PRUE. She is NOT looking for Prudence or Prue Halliwell or the oldest sisters or the eldest sister or the TK sister or Piper's sister or Phoebe's sister or Paige's sister; she's just looking for PRUE. Your script(s) would drive her nuts! Also there are too many acts without having both a teaser and a tag, plus the length of the acts wouldn't be quite right for television; some are too short and some are too long--you'd drive your sponsors nuts! . If you simply wrote it as a story, none of this would matter and it wouldn't take as long to format. I truly think these would make lot better stories than they are scripts, even if you couldn't then use your wonderful credits!
But that's all technical stuff that most "viewers" probably don't even notice and wouldn't even care about and is just me being a perfectionist, the type of errors that would've made me drive you guys (and me) nuts! The fact that I fixed all those errors the first couple of times and they're still there now tells me that making the scripts look like true scripts doesn't mean much to you guys, so I'm glad that I'm not taking the time to fix them, that you guys are the proofreaders now and not me.
Because for amateurs, you guys are still doing a fantastic job, SO much better than Kern the professional, even if his scripts would've looked more professional! For contents, you have him beaten hands down!
On a scale of 1-10, I'd give this a 5 (Charmed by 4 definitely gets a 9!)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2006 0:43:15 GMT -5
My God, you guys! I was just about asleep when it hit me! I know the proper solution that would satisfiy you guys AND satisfy Madame Finicky (Me). I know you're planning on a hiatus after a few more episodes. Well, after the hiatus, rather than writing this in quasi-script form, write it in SPOILER-FORM! Check out the spoilers at the Cafe! That's truly how you guys are writing this; you're just also putting the dialogue in script-form! But if you check how they do dialogue in the spoilers, that wouldn't be hard to change! You can use 4Ever's wonderful descriptive language, which is wonderful in stories and spoilers but don't belong in scripts; you can still use the scene descriptions; you can still use the music, you can still use the credits; you can still use all the stuff you've done SO very well; you'd just make the whole thing a whole lot smoother and a lot easier to read!
Think about it, OK?
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Post by Drama on Nov 4, 2006 13:27:40 GMT -5
Your last post confused me since I don't know what Spoiler Form is since I don't like spoilers.
Es, yes, I wanted you to give us everything, but wow. Script format? Does that TRULY matter? We're not trying to sell this to WB/CW. We're doing this for the fans. If we truly wanted to make it a script format, we would have put camera angles, close ups, etc. People don't want to read all that when they're reading a Fan Fic Script. Yes, our stuff may be too story-like, but it is afterall fan fiction. We didn't want the fans to know Matt's name (or maybe it's just my story writing thing that comes out). No real actor will be reading this script to act out, so that's why we didn't do it to a "T". Sponsors...what sponsors? *scratches head*
As for Phoebe telling Paige..okay, maybe we should have done a lapse time, I see what you mean. Source not there...since when is he always around? Cole....he can't be there all the time either. I believe we wanted this to be about "four sisters who happen to be witches". Why do we need the boyfriends always around? Demetrius wasn't really supposed be to scary, in fact, I picture him as the whatshisface demon from The Day The Magic Died (Stanley, yes!). He's not really supposed to be scary. He just knows how to come back on Halloween.
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Post by Astral Echo on Nov 4, 2006 13:43:12 GMT -5
I always imagined him as creepy not scary. Almost like the demon off Size Matters.
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Post by Phoebe Halliwell on Nov 4, 2006 21:52:46 GMT -5
Hey Vengeance I was wondering who won the DVD COVER on Charmed Cafe.
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Post by Astral Echo on Nov 5, 2006 6:10:31 GMT -5
This isn't really the place. And when we get a winner we will tell you. We are very busy and there isn't much time to judge the entries. Once we do habe a winner as I said we will tell you guys.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2006 13:04:11 GMT -5
I got a chance to read this and enjoyed it thoroughly. Although your method of writing a script still made me shudder as did a number of typos, and the duplication of one scene and the mention of so many brand names (NEVER done unless it's one of the sponsors of the show!), the story itself was fantastic, probably my favorite so far, since the first one was too close to Charmed Again. This was original and fantastic!
I LOVE the fact that Piper was the one who told her sisters she was pregnant, although I wish that Leo had gone to the doctor with her for the confirmation and had been there with her when she told them. I hated that he wasn't part of the show at all, not even mentioned, as if Piper is a single mother! Somehow I thought the last scene should've been the happy mother-and-father-to-be, not Paige and Glenn, even tho that was a sweet scene, especially with Phoebe's favorite movie playing! I wonder if Phoebe knows that Paige likes it, too. Hmmm. Any chance of Billy coming back and two sisters fighting over him?? *sigh* With Cole and Glenn around, probably not. Hmmm. Maybe a montage of Paige and Glen watching the movie, then Phoebe and Cole watching the same movie, then Prue looking at Phoebe's scrapbook of their mother and finally Piper telling Leo and his reaction would've made a better tag.
I loved Paige and Piper bonding over the cooking; very nice scene. Now just figure a way to have Prue and Paige bond and we can get over this "introduce Paige into the family" arc and get into something else.
I loved the use of the bunyip black market and the fact that it was run by the Source AND the use of Lake Skylark to let Paige know what happened to her parents and to show some compassion in Prue. Up to this point found myself hating my favorite sister--she was SUCH a bitch with hardly any redeeming qualities up to this point that I found myself wishing Piper had let her die! Even Piper's explanation to Paige doesn't make sense. After a whole month, I can't see Prue taking out what Patty did on Paige; that's just NOT Prue! So her showing some compassion was nice, as was her admitting that they needed Paige's power--the way Prue was going, I thought she was going to let Paige die so she could be done and over with the whole Sam mess! That would've seemed in character with the Prue you've created, so I'm glad she's not really that way, since I thought having her part of the family was the main mistake that you're trying to correct. Even Piper's explanation to Paige made no sense because Paige hasn't seen Prue act motherly towards any of her sisters yet. If she had (except in the bossy, "obey me or else" sense), maybe Paige would understand better.
I'm also not sure if she was ever able to use her TK powers on energy balls; by the time she waves her hand as she always did when she used TK, they should hit their target. And Paige doesn't have to say where she's directing something; she just directs them. Unless she was doing that this first time to give herself confidence.
I loved the scene with Darryl; you had him down perfect!! It seems REALLY weird that they haven't actually seen him in a month, but I liked the scene; I guess I just wish it had come earlier, like during the premiere season, so we could've had this bit with Prue and Paige done and over with.
I also liked the use of the Lost-and-Found spell and Phoebe's constant rewriting it to make it work. I didn't like the fact that just one of them saying the Power of Three spell had any reaction; it should only when three sisters use it.
I wasn't sure what I thought of Matt in the previous episode and I wonder more now. He obviously has some sort of magic powers and now I'm wondering if it's good magic or bad magic and whether what he's saying is really the truth. I hope so. The bit with Lake Skylark made me like him a little, as did his desire to want to save Prue. And Prue having someone to finally help her get over Andy would be very nice.
All-in-all, this is still my favorite episode so far, which is saying a lot because I REALLY liked Charmed by Four. 9 out of 10!
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Post by Drama on Nov 7, 2006 17:08:10 GMT -5
Yeah, no Leo. Well, I had a scene in mind, but I (we) decided that it didn't really flow so I took it out. We can have like DELETED SCENES sometime in the near future, and I'll put that up. As for Leo finding out...well, he already knew from last episode. Piper was just getting a comfirmation from a professional.
I made P/G the last scene because I really like them as a couple and with the mentions of Paige saying she had to continously cancel, I thought it was a good touch.
Prue might have seemed OOC, but watch Piper in the first three eps of Charmed, not as strong as Prue, but Prue is a stronger person that Piper is. And, what do you mean about the energy balls? I don't really pay attention to those things, personally. And, as for Paige, like Prue asked and she replied, i t was her first time orbing things away from her.
Darryl...I agree, I love that scene. *yay 4ever, and I'm glad X caught something in it to make it better* I really love Darryl. And, well, they don't always see Darryl on the show, so it's not that unexpected.
As for the spell, it wasn't really a Power of Three spell, that's why Phoebe moved one back.
Matt is our special guy. So much about him, but like your wonder, what is true and what isn't?
Glad you enjoyed it, Es! 4ever and I had a great time writing it.
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Post by Justro on Nov 8, 2006 8:43:42 GMT -5
oh it was a great episode. Loved it.
I saw that some things from the previous episode were tied up.
I'm so not convinced by Prue's new love interest...
*gets on with writing review*
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Post by Drama on Nov 8, 2006 9:08:38 GMT -5
Can't wait for that review, Ro!
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Post by Astral Echo on Nov 8, 2006 13:13:21 GMT -5
Me neither Ro, I'm sure it will be fantastic and I know it will be spot on as you always speak your mind, something I think that a great reviewer should always do, even if their writing about friends work.
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Post by xxP3Halliwellxx on Nov 9, 2006 14:40:35 GMT -5
Wow...I would have to totally agree this is so much better then the original charmed series. Wow, it is realy good. I love how everything comes into place and I love it how soon Piper got pregnant, kind of like the future she saw but Paige is now in it. I wonder if she will have that little girl, Melinda, now.  Anyway. great job and I can't wait to read the next episode. Job well done to the creators of this. This was always my dream to see it turn out like this.  |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2006 22:45:28 GMT -5
CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS!! I didn't think any episode could possibly outdo Charmed By 4 but you did it! Inner Child of the Corn has GOT to be the best episode yet! I loved Phoebe finally letting it be known how upset she is that she's no longer the baby--it was something that drove me NUTS on the real show, since I truly didn't think she'd give up that role as quickly as she did.
Just like last week, my only disappointment was the ending--rather than Patty and Sam, I was hoping for a scene between the sisters where Prue and Piper tell Phoebe that she'll always be the baby, even if Paige is younger and Paige tells Phoebe that she doesn't even WANT to be the baby because she was raised as a only child and is used to taking care of herself. She told Prue and Piper; if she'd tell Phoebe, that would be giving Phoebe permission to remain Phoebs, the baby of the family we all love, even tho I loved the reference to Freebie in high school! I guess I just don't like the over-emphasis on Paige in your season any more than I liked it in the real one--if this was real, I'd feel like she was shoved at us, the way she was in the real Season 4 and Billie was in Season 8. Of course, it's easier to like her in yours because she's not replacing Prue, but it feels like The Paige Show more than Charmed with our final view being Paige and Glen last week and now Paige with her parents this week. It's the same thing as Matt. With him being the rescuer, he seems to be being shoved at us in the same way. I'm just not sure what to think of him.
Except for that, I LOVED the whole thing, from the inclusion of Leo and Cole and the Source and the Oracle to the flashbacks with Penny and the little girl and the use of the Best Baby Sister Mug and Phoebe turning into Little Phoebe. But PLEASE someone change all of those PHEOBEs to PHOEBE! It's SOOOO distracting otherwise!!
Still, fantastic job, all! 10 out of 10!
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Post by xxP3Halliwellxx on Nov 14, 2006 16:46:32 GMT -5
Wow....great job. I do have to go along with JustEs. This has been the best episode yet. What I did like about it though was that Paige got to meet her biological dad in a better way then she did in the real season. I didn't like how she met him in the real season since he was selfish and didn't seem to really care about her. Well done everyone. Can't wait for this week's episode. |
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Anyway. great job and I can't wait to read the next episode. 